THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END!!!
How do I know? It’s pretty obvious really.
Remember those good old days when you were really young and really horny and couldn’t do anything about it? (The 90’s)
Or you wanted to see something like the delicious booty up above and you’d have to save up or straight up steal money to buy a dirty magazine or poster (or steal them too).
Those were the days of semi innocence with a certain degree of sanity.
Good old days when you were warned if you stroke your Johnson, hair would grow on your palms or you’d go blind or die altogether. Not now when fitness douchebags, rapey psychologists, media and other outlets recommend jerking off(male) or rubbing one out(female) as a healthy form of exercise.
And to help you along, you’ve got this.
Splattered over your Instagram feeds and other internet sources to help you along.
Not just you but your kids too. Check your between 13-16 year old kid’s browser history, asides from YouPorn I’m sure you’ll find other affiliated sites.
Did you guys ever hear that story of the “jerk off” booth placed in the middle of New York to help office workers “release stress”?
Can you imagine approaching HR about that? “Umm excuse me Madame HR. I’d like a few minutes every day before lunch to go downstairs and shoot my semen in a booth on the street?”
And HR would be like, “Oh sure thing. You go right ahead. Make sure you wash your hands before stepping back in though.”
That’s just wrong!
Or the sex dolls. Woah! We still don’t have a cure for AIDS or cancer but we humans have developed a way to make sex dolls with vaginas that can simulate the real thing. But just in case that’s not enough, you can get one that vibrates.
Apparently before you go gate crashing your phallus into the above you simply need to get on the internet and get riled up by one of these
And you are good and hard to go.
My point is, we now live in an age and society where sex and all its appurtenances are the common denominator.
Don’t get me wrong, sex has always been a part of humans. We are a very horny and reproductive species. But it’s not our fault God cursed/blessed us when he said, “Go forth and multiply!”
My gripe is with how unabashed we are about it. Modesty straight out the window.
I remember this one story this lady splashed all over her social media pages. Apparently she had sex with a guy who had a huge schlong and his wrecking ball dick sent her to the ER. While at the hospital she took selfies and captioned them bragging with, “LOLs” and, “bae did this to me with his Long John Silver”.
Odd world we living in.
I mean don’t you think it’s a little strange that most teenagers highest priority is losing their virginity. And I’m not putting all the blame just on the internet and average to poor parenting.
I ALSO BLAME YOU HOLLYWOOD!
AND GHOLLYWOOD (You guys are dirty birdies. But it’s not your fault. You’re just taking advantage of the market).
I recently saw a post of a lady who’s an avid promoter of “semen smoothies”. She also recommends sperm facials. Tracy Kiss is her name and she is proud about this.
And that is her face. I’m sure her kids are just crazy proud of her. Same as Maheeda’s and AfroCandy’s kids.
There’s no two ways to it. The world just has to be coming to an end because I’m pretty sure Sodom and Gomorrah (by the way, the name gonorrhoea comes from Gomorrah. Check it!) didn’t get up to as much naughtiness as we’ve currently accomplished before they were annihilated.
Question is, will the world go up in thundery flames? Or another flood? (God might just get mad enough to break his promise and do it again) Or maybe a new kind of venereal disease that evolves into something airborne that will do us all in (sounds like an awesome movie).
If everything I’ve written above as led you to think I’m some holier than though dude on his high horse, you’re wrong. I am a horny deviant who tries to tone down on his depravity (except for those few times I bump into an equally horny female).
You can be as horny as you want but think about it this way; if what you’re doing in private is a super-secret you find embarrassing, then, maybe it’s embarrassing because what you’re doing is “wrong” and you probably should try quitting it. I don’t think paedophiles proudly advertise their child porn.
Sex is one thing. But over-the-top-kinky-sex? You probably should get counselling. Having sex with a tree because you’re in love with it and you think you’re alright? YOU’RE NOT!
Sex is natural. You get wet, he gets hard. It is supposed to happen. As long as it’s consensual.
Not the unnatural sort of kinky sex shit we humans seem to be drawn to. And that we have the effrontery to defend said kinkiness.
Bestiality? For real!? That turns some people on?
Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation? I laugh each time I hear someone died while pulling that off.
WHAT ABOUT THIS?
Yeah! You like what you see don’t you? THAT USED TO BE A MAN! That is a man who through kinky science has turned himself into the above BOMBSHELL.
One can only imagine Kris Jenner’s trauma when she first found out her husband (Bruce-Caitlyn) and father of her children had all this while been envying her tampons.
PLEASE, I’d really appreciate it if someone could calmly just laugh all this off and tell me this is just human evolution and the world isn’t actually ending.
Or, could be if I’ve confused rather than convinced you –as per usual-, maybe the world isn’t actually ending and I’m just a confused individual who’s afraid of change.
But I do miss the good old days of simpler things. Especially when you could bag a lady without having to worry about asking for her original birth certificate to determine her actual sex.
IT’S JUST NOT FAIR!
I need to lie down.
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