So you wanna be angry!!?
That’s your problem not mine but here is a reminder
As long as you’re intelligent enough to comprehend my text, I am mucho satisfied.
Today we’ll discuss anger.
That red psychological haze that juices up the Hulk
photo credit: funnyjunk
and makes us mere mortals do irreparable shit.
For example, bae’s mad her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she gets angry, goes out to acquire some acid, locates boyfriend’s side chick and gives her a hefty dose of skin melting acid in her face.
There are other scenarios.
Like the kind making waves on the internet (almost as popular as the mannequin challenge) of ladies chopping off their boo’s Willy because they are so angry at the time that chopping off the offending penis maybe soothes their riling emotions.
I tend to be unconcerned about most stuff that shock a majority of the human population but there was a particular one;
21 year old Jennifer Clark allegedly smothered her 17 month old baby to death because she was mad at her baby’s daddy and sent said baby daddy texts during and after infanticide.
Maybe prior to that incident Ms Clark was already a little springy in the head like Ryan Reynolds in The Voices. But the fact remains anger was the catalyst, the key ingredient that initiated the horrific violence she enacted on that child. Her child. Her own baby!
Was she wrong?
Could she have handled the situation less psychotically?
DOUBLE HELLS YEAH.
I have an online Diploma in psychology (
You want proof? To see my certificate? Sure, no problem. Stick your thumb up your ass and you just might find it along with your priorities) and based on my “expertise” and professional experience (LOL).
I present to you the variations of Anger according to my assessment.
- Active Anger
- Passive Anger
- Utile Anger AKA Trump Anger
Active anger, name’s pretty self-explanatory.
That’s the Hulk kind.
The cutting off penises and flinging acid kind.
The road rage kind.
That’s the kind that drove Cain to murder Abel.
It’s the kind that descends on you like a strangling noose choking off rationality , drives you to execute base deeds that you can’t take back and that you would probably never consider if your faculties were functioning at even mid-capability.
This kind of anger, when it passes out of your system like poison drained from a wound leaves you lying there like Bruce Banner wondering while staring at the carnage though hath wrought.
“What have I done? Dear God, what have I done!?”
True, there are people out there who are perpetually angry regardless how bright the sun is or how lovely the roses smell.
They are probably the ones who take pleasure in bullying others, hurting little defenceless animals, the racists and others of kindred spirit.
The Western world believes it has pills to rectify every kind of sickness be it mental, emotional, physical or spiritual but I don’t think there’s a pill for this particular sickness. CRIMSON RAGE.
Sure you could sedate and render impotent the patient’s ever bubbling rage but the drugs will never actually cure it. Only stall it.
I’m of the opinion a “Conversation” and I don’t mean sitting around the fire singing “Koombaya”, I mean more like an intervention type conversation where the human vessel of the raging soul is sat down and his boiling mind, his actions and their consequences (those he/she is hurting) are laid bare before him.
For all we know, these category of people enjoy the short term joys/satisfactions of their angry outbursts.
Especially when such outburst is poured forth on someone or something that represents or stands in place of the true object of their anger.
Here’s a scenario. Man always beats up his wife. Day in day out, his open or closed fist angrily collides with her vulnerable flesh in what he must find to be a satisfying and pleasing thud.
BUT, what if one day she has him with a hypothetical or literal gun to his face, something to make him pause his fist while he’s all riled up and have him listen for once in his goddamn life.
And she makes him, forces him to confess why exactly he keeps hitting her. Discover the true object of his rage.
Is it really because she burnt dinner or burnt his shirt or because her eyes lingered too long on their good-looking next door neighbour?
I bet you it’s not gonna be any of these things or any of the little things that usually set him off. It’s gonna be something else.
A thirst in him that can never be satisfied but which he can slake by occasionally pounding on his wife.
A deep rooted itch somewhere in his soul only he or Hannibal Lecter can identify. Or, in this particular scenario, it might be he feels his marriage to be a dead end trap that has ruined his life and wifee must pay.
My point is, if or when an angry person comes at you instead of getting angry right back, take a breath and try talking it out. Calmly and non-threateningly.
Easier said than done, I know! But Nigga Moments
And testosterone fuelled fist fights leave only one winner or only losers. But if you talk it out like rational intelligent adults, like creatures with thumbs who have evolved into higher thinking beings, everyone can walk away. Everybody can win. And who knows, you just might make a new friend.
*Ominous bell tolls*
You innocently step on someone’s beautiful shoes and you immediately apologize and offer to make amends but instead they start raving.
Calling you names and demanding jungle justice.
They physically restrain you from walking away.
You know you can wipe the floor with this infuriating bozo but do you have to?
He’s not listening, she’s screaming and it’s clear they want a fight.
But remember, the situation does not have to devolve.
You’re a thinking woman or man which means you’re the intelligent sane person. You don’t have to stoop to their level.
On the other hand, you know that warning that follow pharmaceutical adverts?
“If symptoms persist after 3 days consult your doctor.”
Well if the aggressor persists after you’ve been reasonably reasonable (done the Christian thing) and on top of that restrains you from walking away.
Then please by all means (as long as you’re willing to bear the consequence of debasing yourself) let them have it.
Because at that point such an aggressor is rabid and needs to be put down. Not necessarily like Old Yeller but you get the point.
Wow! I’ve exceeded my word limit while ranting and haven’t even defined other two Angers.
Here it is short and sweet just like sex oughtta be.
Passive Anger is the kind you hold on to and let it age like fine wine that might never be served. It stays bottled in, just simmering beneath the surface and might die with its host or even kills its host with a stroke. I am not kidding, bottling up you anger for long periods has negative health implications.
Which is why I advise draining yourself of your poisoned emotion through Conversation and not killing yourself or Going Postal.
Going Postal means the passive anger has turned into Grade A++ Active anger. We don’t want that.
Utile Anger or Trump Anger
This simply means instead of being uselessly angry and destructive, said anger is converted into something constructive, something useful. So yeah, I guess you could also call it Constructive Anger.
I also call it Trump Anger because he’s a modern age example of how it works. At the 2011 White House Correspondence Dinner, Obama made a fool of Trump by throwing hilarious jabs at him and I’m sure that night, something snapped in currently President –Elect Trump and he was like, “I’ll show ‘em. I’ll show them all!” photo credit: comdiginews
Come 2016, he’s definitely shown us all. His anger at the embarrassment he was exposed to that night in 2011 drove him to become President. photo credit: republicbuzz
This type of anger tends to be selfish with selfish goals and if even well utilized only the angry person wins and said victory usually comes at a high cost to others.
In President-Elect Trump’s case, those who might (trying to stay positive by saying might) suffer for his victory especially if he’s half as incompetent as we suspect he is, will be the world at large not just American’s and illegals in America.
Then there’s Angry Sex.
I assure you, it has its merits.
I think I’ve done enough damage for one post.
If you gonna be angry, don’t be him.