I LIKE SEX!!!
What!? Photo from 4G
No! Not that “Sex” you horny bunnies!
I mean S.EX as in acronym for Stock Exchange. Get your pheromone loaded heads out of the gutter.
Oh yeah! S.EX (Stock Exchange) is awesome.
What’s a Stock Exchange?
Every country that isn’t a total shithole has one (no offense to countries who lack one due to no fault of theirs).
A Stock Exchange is a market where stocks are traded between buyers and stock sellers on one or more of several possible exchanges such as the New York Stock Exchange (NYSE) or another country’s stock exchange, depending on the country’s market you’re looking to trade in. But mind that stocks are mostly traded through a broker.
If a country doesn’t have SEX it’s safe to say they have no economy and if they have no economy… well… let’s just say it’s a very bad thing. And here are a few countries that don’t have S.EX (Stock Exchange, keep your head in the game).
No 1 on the list of sans S.EX, we have North Korea (I don’t know why you’re surprised.)
No 2 (which might surprise you) is Ethiopia. With a population of about 90 million, Ethiopia is the biggest country in the world without a stock exchange. But strangely enough, it’s home to Africa’s first commodity exchange, The Ethiopia Commodity Exchange (ECX), which trades; coffee (I think this is their biggest export), sesame, haricot beans, maize, and wheat.
According to mostly Wikipedia, other S.EXless countries are:
- Andorra (never heard of ‘em)
- Marshall Islands
- San Marino
- Monaco (Surprising)
- Vatican City (I’m sure there’s a logical explanation for this. But then again, I always thought the Vatican was a location in the city of Rome, in the country Italy. Research will be done.)
- Liechtenstein (Surprising)
- South Sudan
- Tuvalu (never heard of ‘em)
- Solomon Islands
- Kiribati (never heard of ‘em)
- Tonga (never heard of ‘em)
- Vanuatu (never heard of ‘em)
- Federated States of Micronesia
- Niue (I think I’ve heard of ‘em)
- Cook Islands
- The Gambia
Believe it or not this list is not exhaustive.
The first Stock Exchange ever was in Belgium. As far back as 1531, in Antwerp. Brokers and moneylenders would meet there to deal in business, government and even individual debt issues. But since it no longer exists the London stock exchange is the oldest stock exchange in the world. While Bombay stock exchange is the oldest in India.
S.EX is a great but volatile way to make money. Y’all know this guy? Watch Wolf of Wall Street. It’s almost a 3-hour long movie but exciting as hell and Jordan Belfort/DiCaprio will give you a lesson on working the stock market (mostly illegally but you’ll get the idea about the profitability. Try to ignore all the drugs and angry sex though).
I hear Bono made over a billion over 6 years from dealing in Facebook stocks. That’s more money 3 times than his entire music career of 40years.
According to Investopedia, here are the top 5 apps you can use from wherever to work the Stock Exchange.
· Robinhood: This allows investors to trade stocks with no commission fee. While more experienced traders may be skeptical about the simplicity of the app and the newbies it attracts, there is no denying that it is a game changer.
· TD Ameritrade Mobile: This offers customers several applications for monitoring the market and making trades. It enables the trading of equities, options, futures and forex. Users of this app can chat with other traders and learn about upcoming events. Moreover, users can find out market information about the companies by simply scanning the bar code of the consumer products in the store.
· E*Trade Mobile: Similar to TD Ameritrade applications, E*Trade Mobile provides an opportunity to trade a variety of securities: stocks, ETFs, mutual funds and options.
· StockTouch: StockTouch is an informational resource that allows users to monitor the stock market in real time.
· TradeHero: TradeHero is a learning app that allows investors to practice trading in a safe environment. Based on the real world data, the app is perfect for users looking to hone their skills without financial risk on simulated stock exchanges from around the world.
BUT! When I said the stock market was volatile, I meant VOLATILE. And when that volatility is in the negative, it doesn’t rain money. Rather it rains suicide jumpers from rooftops Photo from Uncyclopedia
Great stock markets crashes in history. Not surprisingly, it always kicks off in the USA:
- Panic of 1857
Stocks lost their value, investors rushed to get their money, nine hundred mercantile banks died and led to the US economy crashing. It took until 1859 for the economy to recover.
- Black Monday
In the span of five days, the market lost 30 percent of its value. Blame went to the federal government for making badly timed comments that might have triggered the catastrophe. So your politicians (looking your way Nigeria especially Mr./Gen. President) watch your flapping gobs.
- Black Friday (Not the shopping)
Two individuals, James Fisk and Jay Gould, decided to corner the gold market in order to make millions. Their actions caused the price of gold to sky rocket like Ka-Blam! And stocks crashed like Ka-Boom! The government released gold into the economy to stabilize things, but thousands had already lost everything.
- Dot Com Bubble
Internet was commercially introduced in 1995. By 2000, everyone wanted a piece. Money was thrown at dot com businesses even though no one had an inkling as to how profit would be realized. Millionaires were made overnight but in May 2000, the bubble popped and millions of dollars were lost.
- 2010 Flash Crash
In 2010, for 20 minutes shit hit the fan as the stock market saw the Dow Jones Industrial Average lose 1000 points, only to have it recover the points minutes later. There’ve been several more flash crashes since then causing market volatility to erode the trust of those hesitant to trust their money to computers. Best part is, the cause of 2010’s event is still unknown (Aliens maybe).
- United States Bear Market 2007-2009
The housing market collapse in 2007 was the catalyst for this crisis. Y’all remember this and it was aptly named the Great Recession that saw thousands lose their jobs and houses. Hope not to see another on such a global scale.
- Wall Street Crash of 1929
And the best for last. The Real Great Depression. Millions of people lost everything. No stock market crash shook money like the one in 1929. It changed USA and the world forever. (DRAMA!)
According to CNN, research published in the British Medical Journal showed the impact of the ‘07-‘09 crisis led to nearly 5,000 additional suicides in 2009 compared to the norm. Nearly the entire increase can be attributed to men taking their own lives, according to the survey of data from 54 countries.
The results show suicides generally jumped when unemployment levels surged, particularly among men in countries that had previously enjoyed healthy employment levels.
But when S.EX’s volatility is peak positive.
Its super Ka-Ching green
According to RightLine, here are a few tips on trading stocks.
1) Choose Your Trading Style Carefully.
2) Match Your Trading Style To Your Lifestyle.
3) Select A Broker That Matches Your Trading Style.
4) Use A Low-Risk High-Reward Trading Method.
5) Make Sure Your Trading Method Works in All Markets.
6) Trade The Best Stocks.
7) Know When To Sell Your Stocks.
8) Check Your Winning Edge.
9) Invest in a good online stock trading education.
10) Associate with Successful Online Stock Traders.
And if that’s not enough, I’m sure you can find an educative tutorial on YouTube.
If you’re gonna deal in stocks and you succeed, make sure I get a cut. It’s only fair since I led you on the path that you pay me tithes (Ceci doesn’t need to get involved).
YEP, I do like SEX!
No, not that Sex!
I mean this
Not the other we just finished talking about you money glutton.